Author: admin

Oh what a night…. storms came in the middle of the night sending the dog into a tizzy. I was able to get back to sleep about 2am, then boinked awake with free-floating anxiety about 5am. TOO EARLY. So I did my trick of Om Mani Padme Hum 108 times using my fingers instead of beads to count and it worked. I don’t always even get to 108…

Then about 6am the power flickered off and on. Which wouldn’t normally be a big event, but at our house we have many lights wired into ‘Alexa’ so we can command them by voice. They have ‘smart lightbulbs’ in them, which honestly are NOT that smart. Because when the power goes off and comes back, they all turn on FULL BRIGHTNESS MODE. So 6am and we have two lamps and overhead light in bedroom and in living room blasting us, as well as a few other lights around the house. They have to wait for the internet router to reboot, then the lightbulbs reconnect to Alexa and THEN we can turn them off.

After that ordeal, I headed into the Florida room and was able to nap a little longer, til about 7am. I let the dog out, fed the dog and cat, peed and brushed my teeth and was ready for my morning meditation. It was REALLY tempting to skip it and just get on with my day, but I didn’t. I did my mantra mediation with the CORRECT mantra this time, and the weird thing is that it just felt so much BETTER! I have had teachers tell me that Sanskrit is more than the meaning of the words, that the specific sounds of the words resonate with the energy centers in our bodies. I am kinda believing that now….

It is still raining and I still need to do some yoga and maybe journal on some of the week one questions instead of just a regular journal type thing here, but this is at least a start! Now to work…

And, nothing else happened besides work…however, starting with the correct mediation mantra really set a peaceful tone for my day, and I am happy to give myself a pass on the rest.

Today started off with a good night’s sleep but wide awake at 5am. Finally managed to get myself back to sleep til 6. Now I’ve showered, brushed teeth and checked in online. 6:30 and I’m ready to start with meditation and maybe yoga or journaling….today is a better day!

I did my mantra meditation, and when looking it up learned I’ve been doing the mantra slightly wrong for a few months – lol. Will try to fix that next time Om Gum Ganapatayi Namaha. Next, I went on a walking mediation around the neighborhood. No tunes or distractions, just paying attention to morning sounds and things growing. It was wonderful.

It’s 8pm, I’ve finished up work and some catching up on friends and family, still waiting for dinner, and I’m so tired. The idea of doing yoga, or journaling, or even another meditation feels like work that I’m not inclined to do. This happens most every night. I feel like I pound through my day and leave nothing behind when I step away from my computer.

I’m going to sit with that idea for awhile, and see if it’s something I want to change, or accept.

Today is the first day of full-time with JHU. I have a work scheduled of 8:30-5 with 1 hour lunch break. I haven’t really worked someone else’s schedule in a LOOOOONG time with the exception of the 2.5 years I was teaching in a school. Yikes. I’m a little anxious about that.

So, I’ve got the candle lit and ready to sit down for morning meditation before I ‘go to work’. Now to actually go over and do it!

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Well that didn’t happen! I did take a :30 break to attend the recap meeting this afternoon, and that was helpful. At the end of my workday, I plan to sit with myself and do a mediation and think about presence. Mostly I just want to take a nap!

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So we’ll just call this a day and re-boot tomorrow better……

Today I am not off to the best start. I had some work due this morning that I didn’t finish yesterday, so my plan was to get up early and get it all submitted before 8am. Then about 4am I woke up with drainage and a tension/sinus headache. I went out to my daybed, popped some ibuprofen, put the heating pad on my neck/back of head, and eventually managed to sleep another couple hours.

When I woke up, I jumped right into getting the work done, with some timeout to feed the pets and make my husband his coffee. I got a bit distracted with some things going on at our community in Belize, which happens WAY too often. I finally ate breakfast at 10am and that was a success – eating a real and healthy breakfast is one thing I want to focus on, too. I didn’t work while eating, either.

Now it’s 11am and I need to still complete a bit of that work, and I keep getting distracted by student emails, etc. (and apparently, by this journal!) So writing it here – I am going to get back to work for a 1 hour work window, then take a pause for meditation and lunch. I may even try to get my 20 minute yoga done, which didn’t happen yesterday. And I want to check in with my small group and see if they’d like to get together on Zoom this week. Off I go!

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So I got a healthy lunch, and I got the work done (mostly) and a short nap, but allergies are still kicking me and here it is almost 8:30 and no check in or meditation. <sigh> All I can do is keep pointing myself back at the target. Off to do a meditation before dinner.

Today is Sunday, when I let myself start a little more slowly. After some kitchen work I sat down and did the Baron Baptiste Week 1 Presence guided meditation, for the proscribed 5 minutes. I’ve been doing my mantra mala meditation most days for months now, so this felt a little brief, but I did like the focus on presence, and hearing someone else’s voice guiding me back from my thoughts was good, too.

After reviewing some of the book for Week 1, I copied my notes from the first meeting into the Day 1 post here, and then I felt a little burned out on this work so went on about my day.

I’m still finding it hard to allow myself time for ME. I feel like that is something I get when the ‘work’ is done, and of course it never is. I decided today to work a little on my cross stitch and for background attended the UU-Clearwater service on Zoom. That was a treat!

This afternoon we had out family ‘outing’ via Zoom, with mom, Kim, and Patrice attending. We toured Versaille – the palace, Marie Antoinette’s hamlet, and a little bit of the gardens. It’s really fun to connect with them all but we missed Jan who was napping. And next week CJ (niece) may attend. We had fun playing with backgrounds and seeing some pictures from Patrice’s house in Holland.

At the very end of the day, I did a quick mala meditation before bed. But I realize that was more to ‘get an A’ than doing it in any helpful way. argh….

Today I didn’t really do any journaling, but I did attend a 1.75 hour yin/nidra yoga class with Tymi, and attended the daily 9:05am Warrior One meditation on Zoom.

Been feeling a little under the weather thanks to pollen and not sleeping that great, so I’ll give myself a pass on the journaling.

We did get our small group a little more organized, and I’m looking forward to getting to know them better, too. We have a nice mix of people.

I’m also interested to see if doing this as a blog will help with consistency, or flatten it.

Our first weekly group meeting, via Zoom (thank you Covid19) was on a Friday night, and I joined almost 50 others to start this journey. I had completed the 40 days in January-Feb. this year, but the re-boot felt like a good idea.

Each week has a theme and some truths:

WEEK 1: PRESENCE

Seek the Truth: For me, seek the truth is less action than willingness to listen. The truth is always there.

Be Willing to Come Apart: This is what my heart longs for. I know I can shred my ego-centric way of being in the world. My heart can lead and love flow.

What is authenticity?: that is the still small voice withing, which, when followed, leads me to my best life.

Where in your life are you NOT present? What are the costs?: I’m not always present to loving myself, which closes me off to others. I’m not always present to my husband and when that happens I’m not the kind of person I want to be. (bitch mode)

Where in your life are you aware of not being honest? When do you need to tell the truth on yourself?: I think I am more necessary to others and less to myself when in reality the opposite is true.

My name is Ann, and I am letting go of my need to get an A.

I signed up to join Warrior One folks on a re-boot of the Baron Baptiste 40 Days Personal Revolution. I went back and forth and back and forth and finally decided to see if I’d do a better job keeping up with it this time, since we are all locked in anyway, and I really want to focus on carving out ME time, too.

The meetings are Friday nights, but we also have a Facebook group, and I found a handful of us to be in a small group and maybe meet during the week instead/in addition. My small group is KR, KK, and BH.

I’ll share my experiences here, but not theirs, as this is a private journey. I appreciate them being in my group and the respect we have for each other.